Feigning-Phainein

What kinds of memories do you have of me? Is your mind dominated by the flirtation? The almost? The days on couches or in the library, my body pressed to yours in a hug that was desperately trying to hold you together when entropy demanded you fall apart? The days before we evolved into something less than what we were? The days of just looking—no touching Though close enough that I'm sure electrons were jumping between us  (there sure as hell was something between us) of just looking—no touching, of you asking endlessly  "What color are your eyes? I can never tell." And I couldn't answer, because I never know ("they

I scrawl you onto my skin And keep you tucked in the palm of my hand And kiss you there daily. And you are the binding on the books that I love And you are the binding on the books that I love And you are the binding I need. I write you into my mind And I stretch you across these landmines of time And die for you there daily. And you are the pendulum in the hypnotist's hands And you are the pendulum in the hypnotist's hands And slowly and slowly these vast grains of sand Will slip through the clock and I'll see you again And with the erosion of the clock  --it ticks and it tocks   and it ticks and it talks   and i

I'm running on caffeine and hopelessness My shaking fights the restlessness I can't help being what you need But please just let me be tonight The words I scrawl and scribble out Are the only things that keep me from shouting Your name into the sky And cursing it across the stars The trees, from the time we sat under them And watched the sun not set because it was Alaska… those trees? Those trees, they shake and grab me And shake me The shaking fights the restlessness But what can fight the hopelessness? And now my coffee's gone cold But the pretty porcelain mug Still stands and mocks me, Stands and mocks me with its wh

Well hello, sad old song Have you come to take me in your arms again? Well then, hello, sad old friend It's been far too long Well hello, solemn verse, Have you come to cradle me to sleep? To bring my tears, to dry them, to hold me as I weep? I imagine these walls as sound-proof So it's just you and me But the ones they built are paper-thin They bear witness to our intimacy But still hold me, sad old song And whisper in my ear Don't tell me how things will look up Just hold me,        hold me near Because, sad old song, it's been too long And the ones I love are too far gone So take me, hold me, help me cry Come lay with

There's this merry-go-round inside your head Like the one we sat on in the park so long ago And spun around and looked at the sky and said "you are my home." Like the one when we stayed out all night And held hands and saw stars and forgot ourselves (but never each other) There's this merry-go-round inside your head And it won't stop spinning through all the things that I've said But only the bad ones. And all the statements of mine you ignored (like iloveyou, whispered quickinyourear) And all the statements of mine you ignored (like I . l . o . v . e . y . o . u drawn out as          &

Well, there's a blue stain on my pillow From when I stopped to fix your crisis, dear And there's a red ring 'round my neck From when you couldn't be here And I swear that this is twisted And I know that something's missing But the blue stain's reminiscent Of the way you used to kiss me It's awkward, unexpected, and always in the way A stack of papers fell When I turned from them to you And I'm pulling out my hair 'cause I just don't know what to do Your drama needs a stage And my fury needs a cage And they say calm will come with age But that just seems so strange-- How calm can you be with everything you've seen? Books pile

Take a moment to breathe deeply,          You know I'll hold you while you're sleeping                    And then just a bit longer. Because these seconds we have left          are much more than I deserve But still time moves far too quickly          So stay with me one more minute                    (You're addictive. Please don't quit me.) And as we huddle under man-made stars          In this cold urban jungle of ours Your look so photogenic          With your eyes reflecting sidewalks So I take a mental picture          And I store it in a box                    I want to keep it to look back on